


Love of My Life

by SkyBlue2003



Series: Angsty Endgame Fics [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bucky Barnes Feels, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, First Kiss, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Moving On, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Sam Wilson Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-17 08:52:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18961945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyBlue2003/pseuds/SkyBlue2003
Summary: *Spoilers for Endgame below!*Bucky and Sam are coping differently with Steve's choice. At least they have each other.





	Love of My Life

**Author's Note:**

> It may be a month later, but Endgame is still hurting me.
> 
> Steve's ending wasn't my favorite but I tried not to character bash too much in this.
> 
> I hope I wrote these characters well, enjoy! :)

Sam Wilson didn’t know what to do.

Well, he hadn’t for a long time, but now the not knowing was eating up his thoughts. Not like Steve had given him any instructions on how to be Captain America. He got a shield and a blessing, which was nice and symbolic but in no way useful for planning what came next.

_Damn it, Steve,_ he thought annoyedly. The man just had to fuck off to the 40’s. Now Sam was left with the weight of his new title, a 100-year-old ex-assassin, and a world falling apart, all after five years of his life were gone with a snap.

He’d say he was angry, but that wasn’t the word for it. He wanted to be. That would be easier than feeling empty.

***

Bucky Barnes had felt empty for a long time. He was used to it by now. That didn’t mean he liked it, but it did mean he’d been able to accept what Steve had done, in a way.

He wished Steve had stayed. It hurt to know that he’d been happier living without Bucky, but at least he’d found love with someone.

Once upon a time, Bucky had hoped that would be him.

Now he dreamed about a future with someone else. Someone who was caring, and stubborn, and had the deepest brown eyes that Bucky couldn’t help but get a little lost in.

Maybe Bucky would always have a thing for Captain America.

Sometimes, he thought Sam might feel the same way. But lingering glances and the occasional flirty comment weren't a lot of evidence. Still, Bucky felt his heart beating faster every time Sam held eye contact for a little longer than usual.

But it would be stupid to think that anyone could love someone so damaged, so broken by the life he'd been forced to live. Steve hadn't, so why should Sam?

***

Sam hadn't meant to fall in love while they were on the run. But how could he help it?

The first time he saw Bucky smile, _really_ smile, his heart flipped. He looked radiant, his whole face alight, and Sam knew he was screwed.

But of course, in a cruel twist of fate, Bucky was in love with his best friend. Sam wished Bucky would look at him the way he looked at Steve. Hell, he'd swoon if the man smiled at him even half as wide.

Apparently, even when he was having an existential crisis, he could hold onto his unrequited feelings.

He wondered, though, now that Steve had chosen to go back, if Bucky would move on. If he even could, after spending his whole life in love with the same person. Sam probably didn’t have a chance, even if he did.

Sam wouldn’t even know how to react if Bucky felt the same way that he did. It was terrifying to think of falling in love again, after what had happened with Riley. Sam knew their line of work was dangerous, but he also knew they were helping people. He just wished there was a way to protect Bucky. But the stubborn bastard insisted on coming on every mission, and nothing Sam said would stop him.

Falling in love with him was a risk, but deep down Sam knew it was worth it.

***

Bucky was afraid that loving Sam would hurt both of them. He was afraid that the life they lived, his past, or something else would put Sam in danger.

It would be his fault. His fault, for letting himself fall for someone he didn’t deserve. His fault, for not being able to protect the people he loved. His fault, for burdening Sam with his own trauma when Sam had enough already.

He’d proven to be too much of a burden for Steve. Who could blame him for getting away, living a happy life with a woman who was unbroken?

It was still painful. Bucky still missed his best friend, but he knew it had been hard for Steve to deal with his issues.

His fault.

***

Sam blamed himself for a lot of things. But not Steve. He knew it was nobody’s fault, not really. He knew the five years they had been gone were rough on Steve, but he had hoped the man had learned how to move on.

Apparently not.

He wanted Steve to be happy, of course, but Steve couldn’t just run to the past. It wasn’t a healthy choice. He’d just left them so easily…

Sam needed a run. Maybe it would help clear his head. And it would be nice to get back into a routine, now that he wasn’t a fugitive. Maybe 3:00 A.M. was a little early, but if he couldn’t sleep, he might as well do something.

He didn’t make it outside. He and Bucky were currently living in an apartment in D.C., and their rooms were close together. Close enough for Sam to hear Bucky talking in his sleep if it was loud enough. Tonight, it was.

It wasn’t very loud at first, just a few whimpers that Sam didn’t really register. Then Bucky started to speak, cries of “no” and “please” and “don’t leave me”. Sam’s heart broke hearing the man he loved suffer.

He got up and left his room to walk to Bucky’s door. He steeled himself and knocked cautiously. The noises subsided. After a few moments, Sam heard a hoarse “come in”.

“Hey Bucky,” he said, opening the door slowly.

“Sam.” The other man gave him a weak smile. “I’m sorry if I woke you up.”

“You didn’t.” Sam approached cautiously and sat next to him on the bed. “You don’t have to talk about it, but I’m here if you need me.”

“Thanks, Sam,” Bucky said shakily. “That means a lot. You… you mean a lot to me.” He lay his head on Sam’s shoulder, closing his eyes.

Sam cursed himself for blushing. His friend was hurting, and Sam couldn’t let go of his crush for a second to comfort him. His stomach twisted with guilt.

After a few minutes of silence, Bucky spoke. “I miss him.”

Steve. Of course this was about Steve.

“Me too,” Sam replied sadly. “I know he’s still here, but…” He trailed off, not quite knowing how to finish.

“Y’know, when we were kids, we’d always say we’d be with each other ‘til the end of the line. I just wasn’t expecting the end to be so soon.”

Bucky was crying now, tears soaking the sleeve of Sam’s shirt. Sam rubbed a hand up and down his back comfortingly.

The corners of Bucky’s mouth turned up in a melancholy smile. “I always thought we’d see each other grow old. Before the war, I was sure I’d be pulling his scrawny ass out of fights for years to come. Even after he became Captain America, and I became the Winter Soldier, then the White Wolf, I always thought we’d be together. I knew it was naïve, but I just wanted it so badly.”

Sam let a few seconds pass before breaking the silence.

“You were in love with him,” he said, as if there was no doubt about it. Because there wasn’t, not with the way Bucky talked about Steve.

Bucky took a shaky breath. “I was. But that was a long time ago.”

“He loved Peggy a long time ago, but he still went back.”

“Yeah.”

Sam stared at him for a moment, scanning his face for any kind of expression. “Come on, man! Aren't you angry?” He knew he wasn’t helping, but he couldn’t stop himself.

Bucky sighed. “I don't have any right to be.”

“He left you! He left both of us! We're his _family_ , and he left us for a woman he barely knew. How could he be so selfish?”

“After all he did for me, he deserves to be a little selfish,” Bucky snapped. “He finally got to be happy, Sam! He got to be in love! What kind of friend would I be to take that away from him?”

“He could've been happy here! You loved him, maybe he—”

“No, he didn't. And I don't love him anymore. I got over him when…” He stopped suddenly.

Sam raised an eyebrow. “When what?”

“When I met you, okay?”

“What do you mean?”

Bucky met Sam’s eyes. “You know what I mean.” He could see the emotions behind Sam’s gaze. Surprise, doubt, and what Bucky hoped was love. Sam’s eyes flicked down to Bucky’s lips, and Bucky gave him a slight nod.

That was all Sam needed. He grabbed Bucky by the collar and pulled him in for a kiss. It was a little rough, and a little fast, and Bucky loved every part of it. He chased Sam's lips as he pulled away.

“Jesus, Barnes.”

“I hope that's a compliment.” Bucky winked cheekily.

Sam laughed. “Shut up,” he said affectionately. “You know it is.”

Bucky leaned in to kiss him again. Sam slid a hand into Bucky’s hair and pushed him down onto the bed. He pressed kisses along Bucky’s jawline, trailing back up to his lips again. Bucky let out a soft noise as Sam gently bit his lower lip.

He pulled back. “Sam, should we be doing this?” he asked breathlessly.

“Probably not. But I want this. And if you do too…”

Bucky reached up to cup Sam’s cheek. “I do.”

“Okay.” Sam smiled. “Okay, Barnes.”

“You goin’ soft on me, Wilson?”

“Maybe I am,” Sam said, leaning down to kiss Bucky’s forehead. “Maybe that’s what you need, though.”

Bucky looked at him, eyes shining. “Promise you won’t leave me.”

“Bucky,” Sam breathed. “I could never. I promise.” He traced the curve of Bucky’s face reverently. “Jesus, you’re beautiful.”

“No. No, I’m—”

Sam cut him off with a kiss. “Beautiful,” he insisted. “Gorgeous, lovely, stunning, whatever synonym you want. But don’t ever try to deny it.”

Bucky smiled up at him, and Sam felt like his heart was about to burst. “Okay. Anything for my best guy.”

“That’s what I am, huh?” He grinned.

Bucky hummed contentedly. “I’ll like you even better if you cuddle with me.”

“Is that so?” Sam lowered himself onto the bed and wrapped his arms around Bucky. He responded by burying his head in Sam’s chest, falling asleep almost instantly.

For the first time in a long time, Sam felt sure of something. He was sure that this would be good, this thing with Bucky. Not perfect, but no relationship was ever perfect. They could help each other heal and move on.

It was worth it to give love a chance.

**Author's Note:**

> It's probably unhealthy how emotionally attached I am to these characters. I'm more invested in Sambucky than I ever was in Stucky, and I'm glad they're getting their own show.
> 
> School's out! I'm still stressed, but not as much. And my grades are good! Bless.
> 
> To anyone who feels lost, remember that you have a purpose and you'll find it, even if it's not right now.


End file.
